ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
