I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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