She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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