You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
