do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
