I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
