why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
two words: eviction party
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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