Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
