She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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