Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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