Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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