Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
