cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
