you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
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The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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