As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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