That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
