Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
