if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
