On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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