i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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