Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
