Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
