I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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