I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
