Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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