i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
