the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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