I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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