You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
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just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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