I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize