proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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