Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
accomplished twins. life is a go
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
