those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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