So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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