So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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