I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
