it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
