I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
