we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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