Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
