he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
