is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Randomize
