I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
