I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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