Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
