i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
