Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize