And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
