That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
