they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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