I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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