Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
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Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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