so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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