If i come over, it means nothing
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
