there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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