I can't breathe out the right side of my face
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
