Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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