If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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