no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The adults are the big ones right?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
