There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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