She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
