God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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