she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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