i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
