Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
