$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
